I tried to stand tall,
stretching as high as I could,
gathering all that I had
into one bright light,
holding it aloft
for all to see.
Perhaps,
if I tried with all my might,
I could be a beacon,
a lighthouse or
a spotlight,
but,
no matter how hard I tried,
all that I had
was the brightness of my shining,
a fading, failing brightness.

It wasn't until I had
stepped down from the pedestal
of my own making
that I realised
I was bathed in your shining.
My brightness was now
a simple refection,
the pedestal,
gone.

Thursday's thought
"Stop rocking the boat!"
so we all sat
dutifully still
never again to question
why we weren't swimming.

Just another thought

So much of our spirituality and church life is centred on 'our' ministry, all that 'we' do for God.
We sing and pray about our love for God and our worship of him.
The foundation of our faith is not the things that we do.
It is entirely about the things that He has done.
There is nothing notable about our love for God,
however His love for us is absolutely miraculous.
Somehow in the midst of our songs
we forget the image of Jesus kneeling at out dusty feet with a bowl and a towel.
Just another thought.

Just a thought.
Is our spirituality more about
what we do for God
or
what God does for us?

may I be found
in a peaceful place,
my soul content,
my heart far from fear.
May my prayers be
an honest cry,
not full of pretence
or pride
and my mind
be clear
not distorted
or vain.

and so the day ends.
life in all it's mystery
has weaved it's way through me.
yes, I am troubled, but there is nothing
that I can change.
where does faith fit?
how far can my 'trusting' stretch
before it is built on sand?
should I continue to hope
in an unseen hand?
these questions challenge me.
I wrestle with them, wishful for
faith to survive.

"Faith"

Faith...
the frail and broken kind,
the flawed and tattered faith
of humankind.
a failing faith,
a faltering faith
a faith that's weak
a faith that errs
a faith that stumbles
a faith that falls
a faith that has more questions
than it has answers.

There is a faith
that is seen in faithfulness
a faith incarnate
a faith that endures.
This faith
holds and heals,
it 'knows' and feels
it is not reliant
on who I am
what I do
or say.

A faith that lifts me up
when I am marred by life,
a faith that stands beside me
when I am scarred by strife
a faith that shines hope on a
hopeless mess
a faith that doesn't wait
until I confess.

Heaven's hope
faith in the fire
a light in the storm
complete and entire
let me place my trust
in this faith that
finds me
as I was, as I am
and as I will ever be
the all that I am
and the all that I'm not.
I place my frail faith
in the faithfulness of God.

"Love"

all that is divine,
it's height, it's depth,
it's weight, it's width,
all that it ever was,
or is, or ever will be
can be summed up
in one word;
Love.
this word,
clothed within a man's dying flesh,
continues to be humanity's
greatest wonder,
history's pivot point.
Love
that refuses to blame,
or justify,
Love
that forsakes all that
divinity would endow.
Love
sacrificial,
incarnate,
divine
Love.

Let hope shine brighter
than the darkness of my fears.
let love's heartbeat
be stronger than the night.
Oh grace,
stretch your wings
over my soul,
shielding my memories
from condemnations snare
and mercy,
sing your songs
into my broken heart.

A meditation for brokenness

justice limps along the back alleyways
where our fears banished her long ago.
compassion has retreated to the shadows
singing sad lovesongs that no longer moves our hearts.
where once was the cry of mercy
there is now a dull echo as we retreat
from caring,
avoiding each others eyes.
There was a time when
we embraced the lost and hurting,
the poor and marginalised,
now we empower others
to quietly dispose of our
shared responsibility.
We live our lives
turning the other way,
deaf and desensitised.

Oh God,
your face is reflected in the eyes
of the lost,
Lord have mercy on this
merciless culture.
May we again discover
the equality of your love
that is so vividly seen
in young, innocent faces.
Let us wake from our slumbers
and reach out before our heart's fail
and our songs become
loveless laments.

hope

I will speak soothing words to my fears
whilst waiting for the chaos to subside.
deep within there is a darkness
that is unsettling
and I struggle with this affliction.
to doubt one's own soul
is to challenge all there is about life and living
so, gathering what faith I have,
and laying hold of trust and hope,
I set my eyes again to look for your love's
changeless certainty.

"Peace".

Is peace simply an absence of conflict,
a life free of fear.
No, it is deeper than that
as there can be a peace
in the midst of the storms of life.
Somehow there is a peace that can calm the troubled soul
and it has calmed mine.

Grace

Place yourself before Pilate, Barabus and Jesus. Who would you choose? To chose Jesus you would have to go against the opinions and actions of your religion, your King and the representative of Rome. To chose Jesus is to become a total outcast. This is a huge ask.

Then ask yourself, is Jesus association with prostitutes, publicans and sinners simply too much for you? Think of the Roman Centurion in Capernaum, the prostitute in Simon the Pharisees house, John the Baptist's doubt and you have enough doubt yourself to choose Barabus. I think all of us would have chosen Barabus because Jesus, at the time, was far too "un-Messiah like". We just couldn't be sure. This is what the human race has been forgiven of. We constantly chose Barabus, and Jesus constantly prays of us: "Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing". Every breath humanity has breathed ever since is a gift of grace.

I have also come to realise that when I fail in any way the guilt and shame I feel is more a loss of self righteousness rather than a loss of any righteousness, after all, when are we ever 'more righteous'?

A simple meditation on these things leaves me in awe of Christ and in awe of grace.

"Love is there for every weakness."
Janine Max

Who do I believe in
and what need I do?
Can I believe without the evidence
that every word agrees
and every miracle is proved?
Must my prayers be triumphant
and I be pure
before my hopes be true?
Need my faith stand without
support for my frail and doubting humanity?
Am I able to receive
without working for worthiness
allowing my troubled soul to be adored by You,
the One who hears my heartcry?
Can I rest in Your love, and,
letting go of my expectations,
simply allow You to be?
Am I able to believe in You
as you are,
giving you the right of revelation
without interpretations of my own?
And,
can I answer every question with one word;
Grace.

grace
pure, unmerited, unconditional
the action of eternal love
hope giving
shame healing
new life
free

As the sun is a source of light
so is God a source of love.

truth
searching for the truth.
Invisible, priceless, powerful
truth.
words
an avalanche of words.
Like a swiftly flowing stream,
countless words.
why?
why do words and truth
have so little in common.
promises
seductive words
political phrases
with the depth of a Christmas Card
soon to be discarded and ignored.
truth
my truth,
your truth
our truth.
the truth
honesty
embracing the truth,
becoming
truthful.

Lord,

help me see beyond
my fears and weaknesses.
Plant deep inside my soul
the heights that you would have me climb
and in every impossibility
remind me that you will go before me.

Lord,
help me to trust your faithfulness
in the midst of the desert.
Even in the silence
let their be a flickering flame of hope
that would challenge fearful heart.

Lord,
when I start to judge
those who judge me
help me see their feet in your hands,
their name of your lips and
your spirit within their heart.