The memories that haunt me,
the thoughts that remain,
the past and the darkness
must be washed away,
to look to the future,
to turn from the night,
to rise with the dawning
to dance in the light.
Sometimes I am fearful
and faith runs away.
Sometimes I am weary
with nothing to pray.
Anxious and lonely,
scared and alone
I long for the sunlight
to flood these dark days.
Oh Light,
Oh peace,
Come and fill these days
Oh love,
Oh grace
Come and fill this life.
The past is behind me,
it's buried and gone.
I turn to the sunlight
to carry me on
The future it calls me,
I wish to be whole
to live in the daylight
with peace in my soul.
Perhaps the most honest I have been for quite a while
posted by Unknown at 4:47 pm
6 Comments:
Dear Geoff,
I read in My Utmost for his Highest - Oswald Chambers the other day:
"We all have moments when we feel better than our best, and we say - I feel fit for anything; if only I could be like this always! We are not meant to be. Those moments are moments of insight which we have to live up to when we do not feel like it. Many of us are no good for this workaday world when there is no high hour. We must bring our commonplace life up to the standard revealed in the high hour.
Never allow a feeling which was stirred in you in the high hour to evaporate. Don't put your mental feet on the mantelpiece and say - what a marvelous state of mind to be in! Act immediately, do something, if only because you would rather not do it. If in a prayer meeting God has shown you something to do, don't say- I'll do it - do it!
Take yourself by the scruff of the neck and shake off your incarnate laziness. Laziness is always seen in cravings for the high hour; we talk about working up to a time on the mount. We have to learn to live in the grey day according to what we saw on the mount.
Don't cave in because you have been baffled once, get at it again. Burn your bridges behind you, and stand comitted to God by your own act. Never revise your decisions, but see that you make your decisions in the light of the high hour. Oswald Chambers
I hope I'm not being presumptious in sending this!!
Thanks Steff. Perhaps I should write a songs about this as well. This song is for those who cannot, for whatever reason, rise to the concepts that Oswald Chambers writes about. There are places and peoples who simply cannot drag themselves out of "pits of darkness". For some reason, tragedy or blatant act they find themselves stuck. My songs are about those places and those who live there. In the end, I doubt whether Oswald Chambers suffered from depression or tragedy.. perhaps that is too strong.. for his words drive needles into the wounds of the suffering. Believe me, I have met so many of them, poor souls. I have been there myself.
But, thank you so much for adding your comment to my blog.
Dear Geoff,
I have always found strength and encouragement in the writings of Oswald Chambers. It was truly foolish of me to suppose that the same would be true for everyone. I offer my sincere and humble apologies. I'm not speaking glibly as one who has never known despair - yet I know there are those whose suffering plummets to far greater depths. One thing I do know - and that is the Lord will never forsake any one who calls on His Name.
Again my apologies.
Stef, Stef, Stef.... No need at all to apologise.. I may have been a little more 'colourful' in my response. However I do find the words of Oswarld Chambers fairly full of striving. I used to read him often until situations in my life threw me totally onto grace, there was nothing I could do to retract my actions. At this point the dark was deep than my ability to find my way out. That was where I truly started to understand grace.
A grace that does not expect anything of us or our actions.
Anyway, please don't feel like you have offended me... you certainly haven't, I always appreciate comments on whatever I have written.
I've also been in this place where I have been so haunted that I've been paralyzed and full of fear. I went for years with no ability to speak out. None. I suffered from anxiety over the mere thought of having to speak. I don't believe I was in a deep depression I believe I was experiencing godly sorrow. Sorrow meant to change your life. Sorrow meant to bring you to the feet of grace - to freedom. I know, Geoff. I longed for the light and for love. I couldn't pray. I was too ashamed to pray. But He does come. He is faithful. I am free. His grace is sufficient. And you're right. There is absolutely no striving in grace.
Perhaps these are two different seasons of life?
... some are inspired by the writing of those who have lifted themselves above their exhaustion /disillusion/fear with the thought of God's 'high hour', and despite their doubt, used their gifts in prophecy (which is what Oswald Chambers seems to be saying) - and are blessed even in their very weakness as they realise God works in and through us despite ourselves.
But when we are too tired to do even this, when we are limp and wretched, lost and afraid, maybe our healing comes from the quiet strength in the world around us - and God's abiding presence, whether we realise it or not.
Either way, we walk through both dark times and light times. It's God's way...
Ps 23
Though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death, I know you will be with me.
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