Sometimes I worry that I am not being totally honest.
More often than not I find that my songs
speak of darkness, hopelessness, pain and shame,
however I then tend to bring them all to an ending
of hope and lightness as if, in the midst of real suffering and real darkness,
light magically appears to set all things right.
To put it another way, I am concerned that most of my songs are
spiritual fairy tales.
I wish to write of true struggles without saccharine endings.
Songs that can be left without a happy conclusion where God rides in
and "heals and restores my soul".
I have been, and clearly many have been, in places
where the darkness overwhelms all light
and comfort is far, far away.
At these times even my knowledge of truth,
my love of grace, mercy and love,
these enduring themes of my life and my lyrics,
seem to be locked out of my heart.
My creativity deserts me, I am left with an empty pen
and an absent melody.
If I write, I feel compelled to create something that
does not represent my true situation,
or, when rising briefly to glimpse hope and light,
I write songs that deny the journey that has many more dark places to visit.
Am I scared to be honest, that my "audience"
will reject my vulnerability?
Am I incapable of writing three dark verses,
leaving the answers unsaid
and beyond experience?
These are challenging questions.
All I know is that, at times, I am a survivor. I do eventually return
from the dark cave, and the black night, and
I meet again with a sense, a frail sense,
of grace, mercy and love.
I again know peace and love.
Now, to put that into lyrics,
that is the challenge
More often than not I find that my songs
speak of darkness, hopelessness, pain and shame,
however I then tend to bring them all to an ending
of hope and lightness as if, in the midst of real suffering and real darkness,
light magically appears to set all things right.
To put it another way, I am concerned that most of my songs are
spiritual fairy tales.
I wish to write of true struggles without saccharine endings.
Songs that can be left without a happy conclusion where God rides in
and "heals and restores my soul".
I have been, and clearly many have been, in places
where the darkness overwhelms all light
and comfort is far, far away.
At these times even my knowledge of truth,
my love of grace, mercy and love,
these enduring themes of my life and my lyrics,
seem to be locked out of my heart.
My creativity deserts me, I am left with an empty pen
and an absent melody.
If I write, I feel compelled to create something that
does not represent my true situation,
or, when rising briefly to glimpse hope and light,
I write songs that deny the journey that has many more dark places to visit.
Am I scared to be honest, that my "audience"
will reject my vulnerability?
Am I incapable of writing three dark verses,
leaving the answers unsaid
and beyond experience?
These are challenging questions.
All I know is that, at times, I am a survivor. I do eventually return
from the dark cave, and the black night, and
I meet again with a sense, a frail sense,
of grace, mercy and love.
I again know peace and love.
Now, to put that into lyrics,
that is the challenge
posted by Unknown at 1:07 pm
5 Comments:
Hmmm ...
Interesting dilemma here Geoff. David springs to mind ... he wrote of despair, anger etc but so often he then goes on to say, But I will remember ... I will remember going to the sanctuary ... I will remember God's faithfulness ... i will remember God's deliverance.
I think it is not creating a spiritual fairy tale, rather it is a refocusing of the fact that in our despair, in our pits, our anger, etc God is on the throne and these things do not change who he is. Perhaps it is choosing to lift your eyes and focus on more than the immediate?! And thats not invalidating the immediate ... but rather coming back to Psalms where he says, "when my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who knows my way ..."
Dear Geoff,
I often think the same thing - and some churches even intimate that a suffering person lacks faith. I think of Christians who live in nations where they are persecuted, imprisoned, tortured and killed for their faith. Yet survivors tell of God's love and presence in the midst of their suffering. Sometimes they are rescued and sometimes they are not. I know Christian schizoprenics who battle with their problems daily. As humans I think we want to have heaven on earth - yet we are clearly told this is not always possible. Many have to endure the present looking for a greater reward in heaven. The bible says while we are on earth we will have trouble - yet Paul says he counts it all dung in comparison to the reward waiting for us.
In a time of a life threatening sickness - it was also a time of great blessing. I truly felt that, "I am carried in the arms of grace and love devine"
Geoff,
just wanted to say thank you for the song 'I am carried'. the first time i heard the song, the phrase 'grace scarred hands' stuck in my head. many years later, i heard the song for the second time, and i knew it was God speaking.
bless you brother. "if i say surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day..."
ace
Geoff..your songs and the integrity of owning your struggles makes me see humanness... which all of all battle with!
You have been and still are a major influence on me through your music, your honesty and the fact you continue to fight your daily struggles. No more of that spiritual denial crap I need real people to look up to!
Don't go to church anymore but I still play your songs and still connect to the Lord through them.
Deb
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